I’m Anonymous, a recovering sexaholic, and I am making a program call.” Those easy words are a bit harder to say from the inside of a jail cell. Nevertheless, I can get current, I can reach out, I can get out of isolation by just writing this letter. Even though I am stuck in a cell 21 to 23 hours a day, I still have the tools to grow in my recovery and to have a positive sobriety by doing all I can for the sexaholic who still suffers. I can connect with my Higher Power. I accomplish this by daily Bible reading, prayer, and reading recovery materials. I attend any kind of meeting (religious, AA, etc.) whenever possible and I speak the language of recovery to my “cellie,” a recovering alcoholic. Due to the nature of my charges and due to the nature of the other individuals in “protective custody,” there is very little fellowship and very little openness.
This contrasts so much with the honesty and camaraderie of SA meetings. Nevertheless, I choose to thrive and continue to grow along spiritual lines. Moment by moment, one day at a time, I can surrender every temptation to “numb out” or “act out” with memories or fantasies. Surrender is still the key— in here, or out there. Instead of “white knuckling” or giving in, I choose to surrender. I choose to maintain a firm bottom line. TV shows, magazines, or any memories that may be triggers are immediately surrendered. My daily
journaling is also a very useful tool. Maintaining a positive attitude, avoiding all resentments (and surrendering them if and when they come), and fostering a spirit of
gratitude are also key tools. Honestly, some days are harder, some days easier. On hard days and nights, I try to use the tools of the program. I pray for daily sobriety. Yet, I must also admit that sometimes I feel my time here is wasted and there seems to be no point to it all. But I surrender that “feeling of uselessness.” I try to focus on “the promises.” No one ever said this would be an easy path. But as I “trudge this road of happy destiny,” I can only hope that my experience can benefit others. And so I write—praying that this letter can help someone, somewhere, be sober for just one more day. Today, as I celebrate day 595 of my recovery (the last 17 in jail), I thank you, the reader, for letting me be of service. Every single person who reads or hears these word helps me be sober. So I thank you! Thank
you for bringing me out of isolation and helping me to be a part of the Fellowship.
I love you, appreciate you, and value you, my dear brothers and sisters in recovery.
P.S. A few weeks before I entered jail, I got a sobriety chip for 18 months, and when I was released, I got my two-year chip. The Program works, if you work it, so work it, because you’re worth it!
