“Not Porn” Is Still Porn

 “Not Porn” Is Still Porn

For porn addicts, “not porn” is imagery and sometimes “mind snapshots” of people who are not nude or actively engaged in sexual activity—i.e., not pornography—that are used the same way an addict uses porn. In other words, a porn addict can use “not porn” to escape into a la-la land of sexual fantasy—a “bubble” in which stress, boredom, shame, fear, and other forms of emotional discomfort disappear—just as he or she previously used actual pornography.
When that happens intentionally, such as surfing Instagram to view hot (but clothed) images, the addiction is alive and well and fully active. Sure, the addict may be in recovery with therapy and 12-step meetings and other support groups, but they are also still acting out in their addiction. It’s like an alcoholic who decides to control his problem by switching from vodka to beer. “If I stay away from the hard stuff, I’m OK, right?”
Wrong. They’re still using a form of addictive behavior to create an emotional escape. Which is what addiction is all about.

Sursa: Robert Weiss

In Memory of Roy K.: The Founder of Our Fellowship and a Pioneer on Our Path to Recovery.

Today, we commemorate the birthday of Roy K., the founder of Sexaholics Anonymous. Roy was not merely a sex drunk seeking recovery for himself; he was also a visionary—one who realized that his suffering was not unique and that many others like him lived in isolation and silence, searching for a way out of the tyranny of lust but finding none.

In 1979, the fellowship of Sexaholics Anonymous was born through his efforts, but it did not find its way easily. From the very beginning, Roy K. faced waves of doubt and resistance. He had to prove to the world the necessity and significance of our fellowship. Yet, he did not waver; he pressed on with unwavering determination, believing that salvation does not come through isolation but in finding companionship among those who share the same struggle and cling to the same passion for the solution. Today, decades after its founding, the fellowship has become a beacon of hope and transformation, where thousands have found a lifeline out of the bondage of lust—thanks to the efforts of Roy K. and those who believed in his sincere vision.

"I want to find my people!"—this is what Roy used to say. He laid the cornerstone of our First Step and Third Tradition, realizing that sex was merely a mirror reflecting our true illness, and that the real problem was lust. Sexual drunkenness had been a dark prison, where its inmates faced a slow death in miserable isolation.

Roy K. remained faithful to the definition of sobriety throughout his life. He never compromised on it, was passionate about the message, and sacrificed his money, time, and effort to bring the light of recovery to every lost sex drunk wandering in the jungle of lust.

On his birthday, we remember him with deep gratitude and appreciation. We move forward on his path, carrying the message of recovery and sobriety centered on God. For what he started was not merely an idea, but a revolution of hope and transformation—one that we continue together with every step toward recovery.

Inspirational story of a SA member in prison

I’m Anonymous, a recovering sexaholic, and I am making a program call.” Those easy words are a bit harder to say from the inside of a jail cell. Nevertheless, I can get current, I can reach out, I can get out of isolation by just writing this letter. Even though I am stuck in a cell 21 to 23 hours a day, I still have the tools to grow in my recovery and to have a positive sobriety by doing all I can for the sexaholic who still suffers. I can connect with my Higher Power. I accomplish this by daily Bible reading, prayer, and reading recovery materials. I attend any kind of meeting (religious, AA, etc.) whenever possible and I speak the language of recovery to my “cellie,” a recovering alcoholic. Due to the nature of my charges and due to the nature of the other individuals in “protective custody,” there is very little fellowship and very little openness. 

This contrasts so much with the honesty and camaraderie of SA meetings. Nevertheless, I choose to thrive and continue to grow along spiritual lines. Moment by moment, one day at a time, I can surrender every temptation to “numb out” or “act out” with memories or fantasies. Surrender is still the key— in here, or out there. Instead of “white knuckling” or giving in, I choose to surrender. I choose to maintain a firm bottom line. TV shows, magazines, or any memories that may be triggers are immediately surrendered. My daily
journaling is also a very useful tool. Maintaining a positive attitude, avoiding all resentments (and surrendering them if and when they come), and fostering a spirit of
gratitude are also key tools. Honestly, some days are harder, some days easier. On hard days and nights, I try to use the tools of the program. I pray for daily sobriety. Yet, I must also admit that sometimes I feel my time here is wasted and there seems to be no point to it all. But I surrender that “feeling of uselessness.” I try to focus on “the promises.” No one ever said this would be an easy path. But as I “trudge this road of happy destiny,” I can only hope that my experience can benefit others. And so I write—praying that this letter can help someone, somewhere, be sober for just one more day. Today, as I celebrate day 595 of my recovery (the last 17 in jail), I thank you, the reader, for letting me be of service. Every single person who reads or hears these word helps me be sober. So I thank you! Thank
you for bringing me out of isolation and helping me to be a part of the Fellowship.

I love you, appreciate you, and value you, my dear brothers and sisters in recovery. 

P.S. A few weeks before I entered jail, I got a sobriety chip for 18 months, and when I was released, I got my two-year chip. The Program works, if you work it, so work it, because you’re worth it!

Rugaciunea de acceptare

  Și acceptarea este răspunsul la toate problemele mele de astăzi. Când sunt deranjat, este pentru că găsesc o persoană, loc, lucru sau situație – un fapt din viața mea – inacceptabil pentru mine. Şi nu pot găsi liniște până când nu accept acea persoană, loc, lucru sau situație ca fiind exact așa cum ar trebui să fie în acest moment. Nimic, absolut nimic nu se întâmplă din greșeală în lumea lui Dumnezeu. Până nu putem accepta ispita de a pofti trupeste, nu putem rămâne abstinenți; dacă nu accept viața complet în condițiile ei, nu pot fi fericit. Trebuie să mă concentrez nu atât pe ceea ce trebuie schimbat în lume, cât pe ceea ce trebuie schimbat în mine și în atitudinea mea.
    Shakespeare spunea: „Toată lumea este o scenă, toți bărbații și femeile sunt doar actori”. A uitat să menționeze că eu sunt criticul șef. Am fost întotdeauna capabil să văd defectul în fiecare persoană, în fiecare situație. Și mereu m-am bucurat să subliniez asta, pentru că știam că îți dorești perfecțiunea, la fel ca și mine. S.A. și acceptarea m-au învățat că există și puțin bine în cei mai răi dintre noi și puțin rău în cei mai buni dintre noi; că toți suntem copiii lui Dumnezeu și fiecare avem dreptul să fim aici. Când îmi plâng sau îți plâng soarta, mă plâng de lucrarea mâinilor lui Dumnezeu, spun că știu mai bine decât Dumnezeu. (cartea Alcoolici Anonimi ed. 4 in engleza, p. 417)

Rob's story (recovery in prison)

 Rob's story
I have been asked to share a little of my journey to recovery and the key role Sexaholics Anonymous played in that journey. Please consider this personal testimony as evidence of the good work that SA do to recover souls lost in addiction.

In 2018 I was convicted of a sexual offence and sentenced to five months in prison. I was also very fortunate to have been granted bail. This gave me an opportunity to seek help for my addiction. I engaged the help of a registered counsellor who specialized in sex addiction. After many sessions twice, a week at first, he suggested that I contact SA which I did. Up until that point I had never heard of SA. My addiction had driven me to cross barriers I never thought would be possible. I felt alone, rejected by society, even by some of my own family. I was confused and afraid of what I had become.

But when I began to attend SA meetings I realized I was not alone, in fact, I was accepted by them and felt that I was part of something. Something that had answers to my questions that made sense. They were able to lay out steps to recovery. They had access to resources that were world wide

They were able to tell me that in my own strength I was powerless to recover that there was a higher power that I could depend on to keep me on a sober path a better way of living, than stuck in my addiction. I was lucky and blessed to have found SA. If I had gone to remand instead of gaining bail, I shudder to think where I would be. My heart aches for all those in Jail who are slaves to sexual addiction who may never have the opportunity I had to find a new life through contact with SA. When I was in jail I still had support from SA though in a limited way, for example Jason C wrote me letters of encouragement and even came and visited me. My daily renewal partner Stuart wrote to me also and both of them to this day are great support mentors. This is one of the great benefits of SA you join a brotherhood that cares and supports each other, for we fight a common enemy. SA shows us a new path tried and tested by many who have gone before us.

My relationship with my higher power GOD  has grown beyond my wildest dreams. I know face life in partnership with Him in fact I would say co- dependent on Him for all my needs, I can testify that He has been faithful long suffering and abundant in goodness to me even though I am nothing special. But through His power working in me all things are possible.

 At present He has led me to a place where I am currently working with addicts here in another country who are serious about recovery, I have found the skills that SA taught me i.e. the 12-step program, have become invaluable in this role and my experience is now working to benefit others and help them out of addiction. I run a carpentry course for these ones that assists to build self-esteem and reinforces in a practical way that success can be achieved by following advice from experienced mentors and following a set of guidelines to achieve the desired result all assist the students to see that they can achieve recovery. My life has purpose meaning and direction and I owe that to God first then the amazing role SA has played in my rehabilitation. It is such an honour to be able to use my experience to help others

I appeal to you to allow SA to work with you in rehabilitation for those who are seeking help so that inmates will have that opportunity to recover and through their contact with SA they will have valuable ongoing support when they have finished their time so they will be less likely to re-offend and find recovery from what is a crippling disease.



Thank you for taking the time to assess the possibilities of allowing even on a trial bases SA to minister to those incarcerated

Rob's audio share
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1l7pUQh0gegWfYkgZouaUJOSOg4rEQTbt/view?usp=drivesdk


For more information about how to get involved in SA prison work

https://chat.whatsapp.com/HHhenU9OyMQ13dDNnjhUm0

Cei 12 Pasi ai Sexaholicilor (=betiv de sex) Anonimi

 

1. Am admis că eram neputincioși în fața poftei trupesti - că nu mai eram stăpâni pe viața noastră.

2. Am ajuns la credința că o putere superioară nouă înșine ne-ar putea reda sănătatea mintală.

3. Am hotărât să ne lăsăm voința și viața în grija unui Dumnezeu, așa cum și-l inchipuia fiecare dintre noi.

4. Ne-am făcut, fără teamă, un inventar moral amănunțit al propriei persoane.

5. Am mărturisit lui Dumnezeu, nouă înșine și unei alte ființe umane natura exactă a greșelilor noastre.

6. Am consimțit, fără rezerve, ca Dumnezeu să ne scape de toate aceste defecte de caracter.

7. Cu umilință, I-am cerut să ne îndepărteze slăbiciunile.

8. Am întocmit o listă cu toate persoanele cărora le-am făcut rău și am consimțit să ne reparăm greșelile.

9. Ne-am reparat greșelile direct față de acele persoane, acolo unde a fost cu putință, dar nu și atunci când asta ar fi însemnat să le facem rău, lor sau altora.

10. Ne-am continuat inventarul personal și ne-am recunoscut greșelile, de îndată ce ne-am dat seama de ele.

11. Am căutat, prin rugăciune și meditație, să ne întărim contactul conștient cu Dumnezeu, așa cum și-L închipuia fiecare dintre noi, cerându-I doar să ne arate voia Lui în ceea ce ne privește și să ne dea putere să o împlinim.

12. După ce am trăit o trezire spirituală ca rezultat al acestor pași, am încercat să transmitem acest mesaj și altor sexaholici și să punem în aplicare aceste principii în toate domeniile vieții noastre.

Test -- identificarea existentei unei probleme

 Intrebarile pentru cel ce nu stie daca e dependent de sex:

1.    Te-ai gândit vreodată că ai nevoie de ajutor în privinţa modului cum te raportezi la sex, ca gândire şi comportament?

2.   Că ţi-ar fi mai bine dacă n-ai mai ”ceda”?

3.   Că eşti controlat de sex sau de anumiţi stimuli?

4.   Ai încercat vreodată să pui capăt sau să limitezi ceea ce credeai că e greşit în com portamentul tău sexual?

5.   Recurgi la sex ca la o evadare, pentru a scăpa de anxietate sau pentru că altfel nu faci faţă?

6.   Simţi ulterior vină, remuşcare?

7.   Cauţi activitatea sexuală cu mai multă stringenţă?

8.   Îţi afectează relaţia cu partenerul de viaţă?

9.   Ai nevoie să recurgi la imagini sau la amintiri în timpul actului sexual?

10. Simţi un impuls irezistibil când ţi se fac avansuri sau ţi se oferă sex?

11.  Treci tot timpul de la o relaţie la alta sau de la o aventură la alta?

12. Ai sentimentul că relaţia potrivită te-ar ajuta să nu-ţi mai doreşti sex vinovat, să nu te mai masturbezi sau să nu mai trăieşti în promiscuitate?

13. Nutreşti o nevoie distructivă – disperată din punct de vedere sexual sau emoţional –

pentru cineva?

14. Căutarea activităţii sexuale te face să te neglijezi pe tine însuţi sau bunăstarea familiei tale sau a altora?

15. Ţi-a scăzut eficienţa şi puterea de concentrare pe măsură ce ai început să cauţi tot mai imperios sexul?

16. Pierzi timp de la serviciu în favoarea compulsiei?

17. Cauţi sex într-un mediu social inferior?

18. Vrei să te îndepărtezi cât mai repede de partenerul de sex după consumarea actului?

19. Te masturbezi sau faci sex cu alţii, deşi eşti compatibil sexual cu partenerul de viaţă?

20. Ai fost vreodată arestat pentru o cauză legată de sex?